I share my journey of spiritual revival. I drifted away from God, however, after having my first child, I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to return to the Lord. I began reading my Bible and praying. Tensions and anxieties disappeared, and I began to hunger for more of God’s truth. Over the years, my relationship with God has grown, and I have been able to teach my children and others about Jesus.
Have you ever been on fire for the Lord?
What does being on fire for the Lord mean or even feel like? I am blessed to know what it means to be on fire for the Lord. My desire is for that fire to be revived. Growing up I went to church, then I stopped going to church. There was an emptiness in my soul and I was feeling the void of joy and purpose. I created a pattern where I would stray away and then return to the Lord.
There was a real moment where I experienced the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ in high school. But I allowed my spiritual walk with the Lord swing back and forth on the pendulum. In high school I stopped seeking after him again. However, my God never stopped calling me back to himself.
I went through many years knowing only what I had heard in church, but nothing beyond that. I was not faithful in my relationship with the Lord. Having knowledge of who God is has no bearing on knowing who He is by spending time with him. I was the reason for the bad relationship. My lack of intimacy with my Savior didn’t stop him from pursuing me though. God called out to my heart, “Return to the Lord”
Motherhood changed my perspective
It wasn’t until after I had my first child that I realized I wanted more. I wanted to raise my children to know God with their hearts. I don’t believe I thought of this all on my own. This was The Holy Spirit calling me to return to the Lord, to return home. Jesus was inviting me to get to know him. I had never read my bible before, I just intellectually knew a lot about it. Knowing a great deal about someone is never the same as genuinely spending time with them. Having a friendship with God means that I have to be putting in the time to know him. At this point, there was no friendship. I needed to connect with Jesus. What better way to do that other than to open the bible and read his love letter to me?
I wanted to return to the Lord, but first I needed to do something. Recognizing that I had hurt God’s heart was the first step. I never put the time and effort into getting to know him earlier in my life. Jesus had saved my soul from an eternity separated from him. I took his gift and acted like it cost him nothing. I needed to go to God and tell him I was sorry for neglecting him.
After taking the gift that he had given me, I lived a selfish life. Rather, I should have been living my life filled with gratitude. I needed to repent and turn away from the indifference I had in my relationship with a holy God. Once I put my heart back in line with the Lord’s, I was now ready to return to my Father. I could spend time in fellowship with him.
Knowing isn’t the same as believing
I knew the bible was the Word of God, but I didn’t know where to start. There are 66 books to choose from and every has their opinions of the best place to start. Recommendations came in from the four gospels to the Psalms to Proverbs. This left me feeling lost because I didn’t want to make the wrong choice.
Eventually I learned, as long as you start somewhere, God will speak to you wherever you decide to begin. For myself, I chose the most logical place, the beginning. I opened up to Genesis chapter one verse one and found myself hearing the voice of God! I saw over and over again that God has been calling humans to return to the Lord. Ever since the first sin was committed, God has been seeking after us and we have been running and hiding in our shame. I was taking the words of God to heart and applying what I was reading and learning to my life.
Up to this point in my life, I struggled when reading anything. I was a very slow reader compared to my classmates from elementary to high school. My comprehension was subpar at best, and I was horrible with vocabulary. When I would read, I would get a knot in my chest from the tension and anxiety I felt. To put it plainly, I didn’t feel adequate to understand most of what I read, let alone the bible. But the Lord was persistantly calling, “Return to the Lord.” Desperately wanted to find my way home.
There is a hunger and a thirst when you return to the Lord
I dedicated moments in each of my days to spend thirty minutes to an hour reading the bible. I found great resources to keep my on track: reliable sermons rooted in the bible, a daily organizer and tracker that has God inspirations (which I shared in another post), and I surrounded myself with others who seek after the Lord daily. As I was reading through the account of young King Solomon out of the Old Testament, I noticed something grand. Solomon asked God for wisdom and the Lord granted it to Solomon. A book written by King Solomon in the bible is the book of Proverbs, which focuses on wisdom. A scripture found in Proverbs 2:6-7 says, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless.”
I collapsed back into my chair and felt hope. All my life I thought you were either smart or you weren’t, you had wisdom or you didn’t. At that moment, I turned my heart to God. I asked himthe Lord if he would give me wisdom. “God please open my mind and give me wisdom to understand your word.” In God’s goodness, a door opened and I was flooded with a hunger and desire I had never known. Before, I was trying to understand everything on my own. The tension I would feel in my chest when I would read dissipated.
Our God is FAITHFUL!!
In the following years, I began to devour the word of God. I was determined to study as much as I could. What I was learning I couldn’t keep to myself and I began to teach it to my children. The Word of God became alive in my spirit and I had to share with others. The Lord God blessed me beyond measure by filling my soul with His word. Jesus was revealing Himself to me, and pouring his life-giving words out of me.
Return to your first love
That tug I felt in my heart was the voice of Jesus. He was calling out to me and declaring for me to return back to the Lord. The heart of God is that I live my life the way he has designed it and planned it. Through Jesus, everything has been made and he has planned for my life to have a future and hope.
When I was brought in the presence of God, who is righteous and perfect, I saw all of my imperfections. I couldn’t do anything but fall to my knees and ask for his forgiveness. Because God is so merciful, not only did he graciously forgive me, but he also gave me a blessing. He opened my mind to knowing him and understanding what the bible has to say.
“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Joel 2:12